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Main » 2020 » February » 22 » Man Doesn't See Film And Declares It To Be Shit
2:46 AM
Man Doesn't See Film And Declares It To Be Shit

One of the things that has always infuriated me are people who haven’t read, seen, or heard something, yet declare it to be rubbish. “I haven’t heard the album yet but I think it should be banned … yeah, I’ve not read the book but no way should it win the Booker prize … I’ve not seen that film but I know its complete shite”. If you’ve seen a film, you can have an opinion on it; if you haven’t, keep your mouth shut until you have.

I suspect the job of President of the United States is a busy one. With a country of 323million people to look after there isn’t time for frivolous things like updating your Twitter feed or watching films. That doesn’t stop the current President declaring the recent Best Picture Oscar winner Parasite (2019) to be an unworthy watch though. At a recent Trump rally the President bemoaned Parasite’s win before asking “Was it good? I don’t know”. Surely, if he’d seen it he’d know? Surely to declare it unworthy of the Best Picture award he’d had to have watched the thing?

It quickly became clear he hadn’t seen it. But why let the content of a film decide whether said film is any good when you can simply judge it by the people who made it. Parasite was made by a country Trump doesn’t like and thus made by people Trump doesn’t like; hence the film must be shit. I’m not sure when liking the people who made a movie became a marker for its quality. I think Harvey Weinstein is a despicable excuse for a human being but I don’t think the movies Miraxmax have made are rubbish; quite the contrary.

Trump went on to reveal that he’d like to dismiss seventy years of brilliant cinema and go back to the days of Gone With The Wind (1939) and Sunset Boulevard (1950). I guess no Koreans were involved in making those films, though Sunset Boulevard director Billy Wilder was born in Sucha (then Austria-Hungary, now Poland), so I’m guessing that’s not American enough for Trump either. Removing any film that has the insidious touch of foreign hands would leave the Oscars with few if any films to celebrate …

… bye-bye Blade Runner (1982) and Gladiator (1979), farewell Gravity (2013), get lost The Terminator (1984) and Aliens (1986), so long Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon (2000), nice knowing you Birdman (2014) and The Revenant (2015), on your bike The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) and Casablanca (1942), au revoir Lawrence of Arabia (1962) and Dr Zhivago (1965), guten tag One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest (1975), do one Ringu (1998), see you later A Streetcar Named Desire (1951) and On the Waterfront (1954), jog on Mr Smith Goes To Washington (1939) and It’s A Wonderful Life (1946), see you later Double Indemnity (1944) and Some Like It Hot (1959), shuffle off The Gold Rush (1925) and The Great Dictator (1940), scram North By Northwest (1959) and Psycho (1960), be gone The Dark Knight (2008) and Inception (2010), sayonara Trainspotting (1996), adios Skyfall (2012), ciao Midnight Cowboy (1969), cheerio Pan’s Labyrinth (2006), ta-ta Sicario (2015), bye fa noo Braveheart (1995), fly you fool Lord of the Rings (2001 to 2003), and rack off Mad Max (1979 to 2015).

Perhaps Trump wants a truly American only Oscar ceremony, in which case we better see if the Navajo and Sioux tribes have made any decent films of late. I suspect they’re busy trying to get their stolen lands back and trying to get justice for their murdered kin. Martin Scorsese’s next film, Killers Of The Flower Moon, looks to pull at that thread. I doubt Trump will like that film either; Scorsese is a suspiciously Italian sounding name.

The misconception here is that the Academy Awards are an American awards show for American made films only; they aren’t and they never have been. The very first awards ceremony saw the Academy hand Oscars to German filmmaker F.W. Murnau, to Russian born Lewis Milestone, to the Swiss Emil Jennings, to the Irish Benjamin Glazer, to the English Charles Rosher, and to the Indian Roy Pomeroy. That was over half the awards they gave out.

But Trump doesn’t know this and he’s clearly too lazy to do five minutes of research to find this out. So I resort to what I tell any blowhard who starts ranting on about a subject they have no knowledge of but think they’re an expert on; please shut one’s pie hole and fornicate away. Fortunately, Parasite distributer Neon tweeted a much more eloquent response to the bashing of their subtitled film by President Trump, "Understandable. He can't read".


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