The Annual Academy Awards Ceremony, bastion of the motion picture, upholder of all that is sacred and sacrosanct on the big screen. A shining beacon fracturing a mire of grim movie offerings with a beam of artistic integrity that guides the weary cinema goers to the sanctuary of filmic highs. It is a ceremony so hallowed us mere mortals can only get close to the proceedings if we are a news reporter with super human arse-lickery skills or we are willing to sleep outside a theatre for a month. Ugly people need not apply.
What started as a private luncheon for a couple of hundred people in 1929 has now become a global event of obscene proportions. Forty million people tuned in to watch the ceremony in 2012, which is almost the entire population of Britain. Forty million arses numbed by three and a half hours of back slapping the sound of which could be heard on the moon. The exact date at which the Awards started to disappear up its own rear is unknown but some su
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